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April 2006
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Designed by: hawKS
Pictures from: ~nandolucas
Codings: Ebullient*

you can never see me happy, can you? all my life i've suffered because of you! because in everbody's eyes, YOU are effing better than me in every effing way. now that i'm making achievements, doing important stuff...now that i'm happy, you just have to spoil it, don't you?

because no matter what wrong you do...it'll always be nothing compared to every effing wrong that I do.

fuck that. i'm pissed with you. BOTH of you.

astaghfirullah'alazim.
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hello world! it's been a week since my last entry...so much stuff been going on.

some good & some not so good stuff.

shall update more...soon. i don't feel motivated to blog. but i know i want to. so i can remember whatever that happened, when and where.

soon soon.

Selamat menyambut Ramadhan dan Selamat Ber-Fasting Semua!
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i've been freaking out the past few days. i guess it all boils down to the fact that i don't know what to expect. at all. no idea. zilch. but i feel abit more relaxed today, surprisingly. it's tomorrow! omg. omg. omg. Ya Allah, please give me the strength. please let it turn out fine. Amin.

they told me that "the first time will always be fun". (jgn pikir bukan2 eh) you see, i'm more apprehensive than i am nervous. they could tell how worried i was. they've been very nice too...but somehow i get even more nervous when they're like that. kinda like, "yep, you have every reason to be nervous that's why we're nicer to you, hoping you feel comforted". i guess i'm also afraid to let you all down. boohoo.

im so sorry i behaved like a selfish bitch, though. but i couldn't help it. i just can't wait for it to be over and done with.

will you, my friends, please pray for me that everything will turn out great and that i come out of this unscathed, please? Amin.

who will i meet? what will i have to do? who do i talk to when i'm nervous? what do i talk about? will there be other girls? will they be nice? oh, nevermind...i'll talk to asri. since he's my age, i'm sure there's SOMETHING to talk about. like how his hair is longer than mine. and how i neither listen nor understand the kind of music he's into........


AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

see you in two day's time...
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let it all out, puasa's coming. no nonsense for a month eh tolong...

here's what u get when one's stressed up, and the other...erm...can't wait to get off work. haha.

psykedahlia says:
....skarang trend jadi slut cool aperrr.

psykedahlia says:
*slut laughter*

psykedahlia says:
eh slut ketawa mcm mane eh

hyperballad says:
mcm.. ermmm.. slut tak ketawa ah

hyperballad says:
i think mcm.... evil laughter but high pitched

psykedahlia says:
wakakaka..mcm tgh climax eh?

psykedahlia says:
astagha...tsk tsk tsk

hyperballad says:
seoul

hyperballad says:
hahahahha

-----------------------------------------


psykedahlia says:
wer u now?

hyperballad says:
at work la babi

hyperballad says:
hahahhaha

psykedahlia says:
aper babi babi..mentang2 smlm bayar puasa hari ni lepas frust ape?

psykedahlia says:
hahahahaahah

psykedahlia says:
SHUDDD UPP lahhhh wahahahaha

hyperballad says:
a'ah seh fasting mth coming soon must let everything out

psykedahlia says:
siak.

kekeke. remember, we have to be on high alert for our current mission. i'll call it the "Mission Menyepai". hehe, love ya partner-in-crime.
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Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Ya Allah, please give me strength. Amin.

i wanna cry. what did i get myself into? what was i thinking? what made me wanna do this for real? i really appreciate that you believe in me and that you believe i'm capable of going through this. seriously, you've no idea how much it means to me that you've chosen me for this awesome opportunity. i'm supposed to be happy. excited. everything positive. well, i WAS but right now, i'm feeling anything BUT positive.

i know i'm not supposed to take this too seriously, and that this is suppose to be "for fun". in fact, i do think i'm kinda blowing things out of proportion. but how can i not, when i realise that i'm about to show the world how bad i am at what i'm doing? it does not help in ANY WAY, that i'll be doing this with those who are way more experienced and have been doing this much longer than i have. i'm gonna try & do my best, i'll give you that. but at this point of time, i don't think "my best" will be good enough.

you see, this is MAJOR stuff. it's probably not major for you 'cause you've done this before, but anything that involves all that, is major to me. it's do or die. you hear me? of course you can't hear me, 'cause i dare not even tell you. 'cause i don't want you to think that i'm a wuss who can't take up a challenge and don't dare to look fear in the eye. since you believe in me, i'm gonna push myself to do my best and do us all proud. but i'm afraid i might only be a disappointment.

i'm honoured. but, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? or weren't you? i've found myself under unnecessary pressure. Pressure's supposed to push one to do one's best, but in this case, it's leaving me handicapped. what if i breakdown? Oh God, no.

i'll be more than happy to go unnoticed, seriously. let them hog the limelight, please.

breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out.

i can do this. i can do this...
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