Monday, September 11, 2006
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12:44 am
breathe in...breathe out...
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Ya Allah, please give me strength. Amin.i wanna cry. what did i get myself into? what was i thinking? what made me wanna do this for real? i really appreciate that you believe in me and that you believe i'm capable of going through this. seriously, you've no idea how much it means to me that you've chosen me for this awesome opportunity. i'm supposed to be happy. excited. everything positive. well, i WAS but right now, i'm feeling anything BUT positive.
i know i'm not supposed to take this too seriously, and that this is suppose to be "for fun". in fact, i do think i'm kinda blowing things out of proportion. but how can i not, when i realise that i'm about to show the world how bad i am at what i'm doing? it does not help in ANY WAY, that i'll be doing this with those who are way more experienced and have been doing this much longer than i have. i'm gonna try & do my best, i'll give you that. but at this point of time, i don't think "my best" will be good enough.
you see, this is MAJOR stuff. it's probably not major for you 'cause you've done this before, but anything that involves all that, is major to me. it's do or die. you hear me? of course you can't hear me, 'cause i dare not even tell you. 'cause i don't want you to think that i'm a wuss who can't take up a challenge and don't dare to look fear in the eye. since you believe in me, i'm gonna push myself to do my best and do us all proud. but i'm afraid i might only be a disappointment.
i'm honoured. but, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? or weren't you? i've found myself under unnecessary pressure. Pressure's supposed to push one to do one's best, but in this case, it's leaving me handicapped. what if i breakdown? Oh God, no.
i'll be more than happy to go unnoticed, seriously. let them hog the limelight, please.
breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out.
i can do this. i can do this...
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